I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
