I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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