Ambien. No doubt about it.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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