i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
