I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
