I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
