i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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