I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
