He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
