She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
