i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
