I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
