I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So squirting runs in the family.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
These tits shall not be calmed
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
