1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
