we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
