Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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