So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
