a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
