It's Friday. Sex?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
