Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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