**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
