this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
