just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
