I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
