Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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