The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
