i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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