walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
