that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
