Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
