I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
