Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
