I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
