One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
