so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
