i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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