omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
