My friends, they love my intelligence
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
