Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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