do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I supernannyed him into submission
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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