You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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