I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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