So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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