i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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