Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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