Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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