The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
