i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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