His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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