I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
