You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
