I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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